I have lots of feelings.
It’s 2:30 and I’ve worked out, gone grocery shopping, played with my new Naked palette, general awesome stuff.
I’ve been increasing the length of my (treadmill) runs. Right now I’m at 33 minutes, then I’ll do 36 minutes for two weeks, then 40 minutes, and so on and so forth until I’m doing over an hour. However, I’ve been getting bored on the treadmill and there’s kind of a snow storm right now. So to keep myself entertained, I’ve started doing intervals of jogging at 6mph for 90 seconds, then running at 6.2 for 60 seconds. It works!
While running, I got to thinking about my New Years. Like I said, I hooked up with a random cute guy that I’ll probably never see again (hopefully). I’ve been wondering why I did that, it isn’t the kind of thing that I do.
I started trying to lose weight, get in shape, and gain strength for almost a year now. I didn’t lose the 45 lbs I planned to do last January 13th. But even though I didn’t reach that goal, I have managed to become a completely new person.
2011 was probably the worst year I’ve ever had. I lost people that I cared about, I relapsed hardcore, I had to deal with my sexual assault, and managed to almost give myself a stress fracture in my shins.
As a result of all the shit, I’ve become a completely new person and am only now starting to realizing it. But I feel like I’m not sure who I have become. I can finally admit that I’m attractive. More guys like my body than in previous years so I get more attention than I’m used to.
So maybe my temporary insanity was me just trying to figure out who I’ve become. I didn’t learn much, though. Just that I’m not the kind of girl who enjoys hooking up with dudes in the back of my car.
This just makes me so excited for this year. I don’t really buy into the whole “new year, new me” thing. But I’m 21 and am gaining the confidence to figure out who I am.
